7 Toxic Habits and What they Mean: 1. Holding on to an ex or holding on to any extra Baggage. Stay away from partners that go from relationship to relationship. Every breakup no matter how long the relationship last requires a certain level of processing and healing. People that generally go from one situation directly into the next have failed to heal and recover from the issues that presented itself in its last relationship and because the problems have not been fixed or examined they will be carried into the next relationship. Worst than holding on to an Ex many toxic people are holding on to trauma and sorrow from the past that they have allowed to make a core value within themselves that causes conflict and issues down the line. Before we enter relationships you have to get yourself together. It is okay to be alone for an extended period of time so that you are sure you are not bringing your past pain into a new situation with someone else. 2. Constant Lies. The issue with Lies are liars will claim they are not lying. They lie so much that they start to believe the lies they tell themselves and others. Lies do not just mean outright lies that we can all recognize as lies or even small white lies they lie to you about how they see you as well as how they see themselves and your relationship. Lies are a sign of insecurity so you try to make your situation seem better than it is to avoid the fixing process. 3. Love Bombs. Do not confuse this, this is toxic! If your spouse demands to constantly be with you, on your phone or within some kind of connection and communication with you at all times they are toxic and lack wholeness. Secure people that are whole within themselves do not need constant interaction with their spouse in fact they are annoyed by it. A healthy relationship is normally a morning call or text and catch up on a lunch break or after work and maybe a phone call and video chat at the end of the night. If you live together your constantly communicating so texting and phone calls should not be required as much as a person whom lives far away and cannot see their spouse on the regular basis. The communication within a relationship should be decided by both people, one person should not constantly feel that they are being bombarded with phone calls and text messages and feel obligated to respond and fake communication because their partner will get upset if they do not answer the phone or text. That is also signs of insecurity, control and immaturity. You should be confident that your partner has seen you reached out to them and that they will be responding back to you as soon as they can. Allowing yourself to think the worst of your partner is why the love bombs happen and love bombing is toxic. 4. Frequently Monitoring You. If they require to know where you are going who you are going to be with and when you are coming back run for the hills! If they require you to check in with them when you have already told them where you would be and what you would be doing it is toxic! Do not get me wrong, if you would like to call or text your partner while you are out and about with your friends because you miss her/him that is okay and even kind of sweet. However if the understanding is that you are required to do these things or your partner will be upset with you ignore you and pick fights with you run it is toxic. You do not have to answer to your spouse as if you are answering to your parents. You have a right to be an individual, come and go as you please as long as your respecting the boundaries of your relationship your spouse should be just fine and if they are not you need to find someone more secure in knowing that their spouse is not out here disrespecting the unit. 5. Partner Isolation This happens when your partner has no friends or activities of their own if they are insecure or worst all of these things. People who have been hurt and have never had a chance to be in a loving relationship tend to try to control their partner. They want to isolate you keep you to themselves. They do not want you to have friends and activities they are not included in and in a lot of times they try to create issues within your life so you come to a place of self removal. You will look around one day and realize you have isolated yourself from your friends and our family and now the only person you have to depend on is your spouse and that is the start of a co dependent toxic relationship. 6. Hot and Cold Personality If you ever wondered if your partner is bi polar or if their attitude was incredibly inconsistent run that is toxic. If your partner takes your happiness and turns it into a negative argument or something negative they are toxic and you should run. If they are constantly rejecting you but then love bombing you a few hours later gushing all over you making you feel loved and appreciated they are toxic you have to get away from them. Nobody has to deal with a person who cannot balance their emotions and stay in control of their feelings. A hot and cold personality is normally an attention seeker and they also are super insecure within themselves and argumentative all signs of a toxic relationship you should run from. 7. Pressing Resets If you argue so much in your relationship you find yourself always trying to start over and do it again then guess what! It is toxic you need to run. Arguing is actually a healthy aspect of relationships. They build growth communication and understanding between the two partners. If fighting doesn't elevate your relationship rather ends up in one person feeling like they are making the sacrifice for the happiness of the other person it is toxic it is time to leave. People should be able to agree to disagree and those disagreements shouldn't affect the communication moving forward in the relationship. If your partner is not receptive to your emotions and your feelings and the arguments get to be too much and your constantly trying to start from scratch to leave the arguments in the past because they are not producing growth it is time to find you someone else to love. Toxic relationships only exist because either one or both parties in the relationship suffer from: Low Self Esteem, Insecurity, Trust Issues, Control Issues. Many more factors contribute but these are the main ones. A person with low self esteem does not find themselves attractive, they do not see their worth and value so when they finally find a relationship they are attached to it in unhealthy ways because they believe that nobody else would find them attractive. Insecurity issues cause arguments and the need for your partner to do more than what is required for a spouse. Failure to fulfill yourself and complete yourself as a person makes you desire completion by your spouse. We as people must complete ourselves. We cannot connect with a person and make them responsible for our wholeness as adults.
Wholeness starts with knowing who you are, understanding your flaws and what you are good at is the key to finding balance in your relationship. Trust issues come from a person either not being honest within themselves, so they project what they know they are doing onto their spouse. They have been hurt so much in the past they have built walls around the trust functions of the brain. When you find yourself with a person whom has all of the listed issues it all boils down to control. They want to control the narrative of the relationship and make sure their spouse acts accordingly to the ideas of happiness that THEY have designed. They have not for one moment considered their partner's view of how they would like to build the relationship rather they have told their partner what THEY need in order to stay present in the relationship. Relationships require two people being able to express themselves grow as a unit and develop a united front built on respect and loyalty. Love will come however it is important that the two people in the relationship are working toward the same goals at the same time. My Advice for anyone whom finds themselves in a toxic relationship is to talk to your partner. You have to be prepared to end the relationship if your partner is unwilling to understand how the relationship is toxic and willing to do the work to fix the issue. We all have gone through things that have shaped how we feel on the inside however choosing to be in a relationship means that we have taken a chance at love with someone whom we believe could make us happy. If you find yourself unhappy and you tried everything in your power to make it work and your spouse is coming off unwilling to work with you then understand your worth and look for something more healthy. For anyone whom is watching the video and reading this blog and maybe they are feeling like they are the toxic side of their relationship it is my advice you reach out to a local therapist. You must learn how to process your personal issues as well as learn how to function as a person before you allow yourself to function as half of a solid relationship.
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We gather information from several different Poets, Therapist, and Minorities from all sides of mental health and therapy. Archives
May 2019
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