"The Devil Is Working Your Desperation" ~ Mo Recently I discovered that for nearly twenty years I have been maintaining a relationship with a fake friend. She is rude, she is judgemental, she is sensitive, she is miserable. She pretends to be willing to help you through your hardest times however she is selfish. You will never spend time with her because she does not make time to see you. She claims to loves you but when you ask her to prove it the pages always return blank, emotion not detected.
I cannot count the amount of times that GOD has either shot, stabbed or lifted up and thrown this woman out of my life. What I end up doing is finding her corpse and breathing life back into her lungs. I find myself taking blame for said situation; and giving her pieces of my soul just to maintain her energy in my demotion. She finds pleasure in brain manipulation and tricking me to question myself, my sanity as well as my intellect. She loved playing on my love and value for her to position my brain in the most horrible of mental wilderness just to leave me destitute and unaware of myself. All for her enjoyment, nothing excited her more than to make others uncomfortable in their own skin all to satisfy her, lucifer's sex kitten. As the years pass it is the same thing each time we speak, me sharing the deepest parts of me with someone that does not even open up to me. Someone that claims I am their friend however I watch their life unfold on social media like a stranger. She has children that she understands I have a connection with however doesn't make an effort to allow me to see them other than her over access to them via social media. It has been about a week and a half and I realized, she really requested full disconnection because I deleted her post off of facebook. I didn't want to argue with her, I was tired of her constantly trying to argue on facebook about her outlandish views on things. I was sick of her constantly judging the things that others or myself do when her life isn't a walk around paradise. She pretends as if her demons and lions do not harm her the same way ours harm us. She is a liar and so is the devil. God has shot at her again, this time I am going to let her bleed to death, I do not have the energy to save the wicked. She needs more than the hand of I, she needs the blood. She is fake saved, talks about loving god but after all of these years she still hasn't figured out how to talk to him. The point of this testimony is a lot of you guys are doing the same thing I was. Giving CPR to dead things and letting the zombie of a friend walk around in your life as if they help you do anything but fail. We do not need fake friends, we need people that believe like we believe and pray like we pray so when its time to go to war we are all united. It only takes one or two of us "the prisoners will be listening"
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Recently I was faced to come to terms with one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my adult life. We have all had breakup's happen to us and some of us have cried and really felt the pain of it all. Not that many of us find our way out of a bad breakup without trust issues, without hate in your heart. Most of us bring that into our next relationship, and honestly we cannot blame our next for the wrongs of our EX.
Many times we rush into a new situation because we miss the comfort of that body on our flesh. We miss the safety of a relationship, we miss having someone no matter how empty you or that someone is. In so many cases we have so much work to do on ourselves we just give up and try to throw that load on our relationship. We cannot enter a relationship missing pieces of ourselves and expect our spouse to glue us back together and repair us so that we are whole. It is our responsibilities to ourselves to make ourselves whole, to find purpose and fulfillment within our own skin. Our inner peace comes from our spirituality, our faith in god and our ability to trust that god has a plan for our lives. When disaster strikes we should not fear or settle rather we should face our fears rise up and meet them head on and tell the devil not today sir. As I walk down this path, I get weak, I meet women I want them! And that brings me to this message today! My flesh is a liar, my flesh is the devil it wants what it wants but my brain and my soul no better! Me knowing better god slapped me one time and sat me back down. I am in the process of healing and rebuilding from a break up. I am learning to love myself and care for myself and value myself. I made promises to myself and god about my next relationship however I allowed myself to try to bypass what god already told me and what I agreed to. He came to me though, he put the anti-lock breaks on that man made situation I almost made because I am not done with me and neither is he, and we both have to complete our jobs before I try to discover the woman that is out there for me, hence the title "Seek You Shall Never Find". When God puts your spouse in your life you are NEVER LOOKING FOR THEM. They just appear like ghost and remain in your life. No matter what you do you cannot shake them and the chemistry is beyond a spark it is a flame on a candle. You two wont have to compromise to make it work, you wont have to lose parts of yourself to be in agreement you two will just work. The only way to get that kind of love is to first love god love you and then be the same exact person you would like to enter your life and love you. |
AuthorJust a creator trying to find my way to GOD and bring as many thugs with me as possible. Bring as many lesbians with me as possible. I am here for the lost and forgotten souls. Archives
December 2018
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